Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Pitch workshop #8: Laura Hughes


Laura Hughes
Running Down the Dragon
Adult Thriller with paranormal elements

Thalia Drake, U.S. Military and world's last dragon, must stop a serial killer whose ultimate goal is exterminating shapeshifters. But stopping him means exposing the dangerous secret she's hidden for thousands of years - her true identity.

Kat’s critique:

Thalia Drake, U.S. Military (Should you have her position/rank here? As in, ‘U.S. Military Commander’?) and world's last dragon, must stop a serial killer whose ultimate goal is exterminating shapeshifters. But stopping him means exposing the dangerous secret she's hidden for thousands of years - her true identity.

This is really good, punchy as hell. As you have 23 words to spare, you could add more detail to say why it is so important to keep her true identity hidden, or what the consequences of exposure will be, but otherwise I think you’re golden.

Please feel free to add your own constructive comments below!


5 comments:

  1. What's the true identity? Come on, I gotta know! Is she not a shapeshifter? and human? Of course, this is my kind of story and would read in a minute.

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  2. Agree this is really strong - short, punchy and makes me want to read it. Nice job!

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  3. I agree. This is really good the way it is. Defintely leaves me wanting to read more.

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  4. Love this! Very intriguing. Wait, her true identity is that she is a dragon, right? Cool concept. :-)

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