Monday, 1 October 2012

Pitch workshop #1: Elaine Vickers


Elaine Vickers
Discovering Isaac
Contemporary Middle Grade

Eleven-year-old Isaac Sanchez didn’t know what to expect when his deadbeat mom came back, but he didn’t expect this: two not-so-evil stepsisters, a secret code, a new best friend, and a strange connection to the greatest scientist of all time. Isaac’s scientific discoveries may lead him to what he was looking for all along: his own place in the universe.

Kat’s critique:

Eleven-year-old Isaac Sanchez didn’t know what to expect when his deadbeat mom came back, but he didn’t expect this: it certainly wasn’t (just changed this so you weren’t repeating ‘didn’t…expect’) two not-so-evil stepsisters, (I’d take this out as they’re ‘not-so-evil’ – they make your list a little too long and don’t add much story-wise.) a secret code, a new best friend, and a strange connection to the greatest scientist of all time. Isaac’s scientific discoveries (Can you be more specific? What does he discover?) may lead him to what he was looking for all along: his own place in the universe.

This is a good pitch, but it might just be one very interesting day in Isaac’s life, as it stands. I think the last sentence needs something more to indicate where the plot might be heading, what kind of conflict/adventure he faces.

Please feel free to add your own constructive comments below!

4 comments:

  1. I'm curious to know what his own place in the universe is! We all have a place in the universe, or we wouldn't be here, but you must mean he has some bigger role to play. I'd love to know more about it. :D

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  2. I would like to see what's at stake for Isaac, not just what is happening to him.

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  3. I like the last phrase; finding a place in the universe is always a good theme :-) I second Kelly, though, would like to know the stakes. Also, to echo Kat, some more specifics would strengthen the pitch, I think. Nice voice in this pitch, though!

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  4. I've seen this somewhere recently (CAGI perhaps?), and I think it's really intriguing! I agree with some of what's already been said. I found myself more interested in the scientific discoveries and connection to the scientist than the return of his deadbeat mom. Both may be important to the story, but given the limited space I would focus more on those things that directly lead to the conflict and the stakes. But it's an interesting premise and I think you are off to a great start. Best of luck with this!

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